I have gone through depression before. Not many people know this and some of the people close to me will know this for the first time as they read this. It was a strange time. I am not ready to share the details that led to this state. I wasn’t even consciously aware that I was in this state till a friend offered help. I knew everything wasn’t okay but I didn’t know I was depressed. When this friend offered help, I was angry at first at the insinuation, then a day later it hit me that he was right. I was in a bad place. I then shamelessly and selfishly did everything that helped me deal and get me out of that state. Some of these, society would judge me harshly on, but I got out. That’s all that counts that I managed to get out of the depressed state and if I could go back to that time, I’d probably repeat everything I did to be ok.
Last year was a rather eventful year for me. For one I was going through one of the most beautiful things ever, yet most things failed to go as planned. I am a control freak and trying to deal with the anxiety of things not working out as I need/want them to, coupled with a lot of hormonal fluctuations courtesy of pregnancy and childbirth was overwhelming at times. I remember one day being startled awake in the middle of an agitating dream, by my baby’s fast kicks and my heart beating too fast. I quickly woke Mr. Man up to help me calm down. I was at that point scared for both myself and my baby. What he said that night rings true to me till now, Everything that was happening I had no control over, the most important thing is my health and the health of our baby. That was the only thing I needed to think about. I purposed then to make this, my only priority.
I am not throwing myself a pity party, not looking for hugs, consolation or validation. I am fine. I am thankful for a wonderful support system. They held me down through it all. My tribe worked overtime for me, checked on me emotionally. Made sure I was comfortable, well fed. They went above and beyond and I shall always be grateful for these people. I hope to always be active and present in each of their lives as they are in mine.
I am sharing this with you because, a lot of times, you’ll meet people like me, people who are going through things but will never voice them out. People who are struggling with one thing or another. If through all my struggles I could recount the number of insensitive things people said or did that only went to hurt me even further, I would probably be very resentful. I am not perfect and I may also be guilty of being unkind here and there. We can be careless with our words and actions. We speak without thinking of how our words may impact the next person. However one of my resolutions this year is to purposely be kinder to all the people that I encounter. My challenge to everyone else who is reading this is to try spread some kindness as well. As one of the most cliche statement goes “In all that you do, be kind. You don’t know what someone is going through”